Intro to BDSM

[Loraen]

The incorporation of ritualistic behaviors serves to increase the slave's awareness of "difference" between the two of you. It is often a method of reminding the slave of the importance of her Master's needs and desires, and helping her understand how to put aside her own needs in order to serve dutifully.

Rituals that occur in or outside of your presence increase your level of authority in the slave's life. They are NOT meant to be a series of random or useless practices however, (which is why maintenance rituals are included here). The rituals should either be practical or deal with specific behaviors that will increase the slave's ability to serve and be pleasing to you. Do not confuse "rituals" with "rules." For example, the "rule" is that your slave needs permission to come to orgasm. The "ritual," is the question the slave poses each time she wants to have an orgasm.

Rituals should not be instinctual. They should often go against instinct and force a paradigm shift in the rules of instinct. It is best if the slave has to think about them each time she does them. Some rituals may eventually become habitual behavior patterns. That's OK. It means the shift in focus has taken hold. At that point, if the slave needs another challenge (or if you need another challenge), a ritual can be added or an existing ritual can be tweaked.

Rituals are also important to your slave's happiness. They provide her with the structure she longs for, and if she is like most slaves, whose need for attention is enormous, they provide her with a way of retaining your attention in and out of your presence.

Repeated behaviors also teach the slave self-discipline. The training period is a lot of work for both of you, and you may need to remind the slave that before she can move on to the new challenges, she must be able to perform her basic duties to your satisfaction. Encourage her to incorporate the methods of behavior you've taught her into her everyday life; thus increasing her chances of proving herself worthy of being taken to new levels of servitude.

Greeting & presentation:

When the Master enters a room:

* The slave should be taught to kneel at attention every time her Master enters the room. If she is working or relaxing, all activity ceases to perform this act. During her initial training, she should expect to hold the position until she is given leave to resume her activities. When you are confident in the slave's training, you may be able to allow her to kneel and then continue on her own. (Some Master's prefer a curtsy; if you choose a curtsy, the slave should learn how to perform one with some semblance of grace.) It would behoove you to relax this rule under certain conditions; for example, when your slave is sitting on the toilet - unless you are prepared to deal with the potential outcome, or unless the slave is in great need of a humiliating experience. Kneeling in the bath or shower, though, seems perfectly acceptable, as long as the tub isn't too slippery.

o If the slave notices her Master intends to remain in the room, she should offer Him her services. (i.e. "Can this slave be of assistance to You, Sir?")
o If the answer is "Yes," the slave should put aside anything she is working on to fulfill her duty to serve. NO activity is more important than serving her Master's immediate needs. (This includes finishing a shower or a meal) If the answer is "No," and the slave is given leave to attend to her activities, she should perform them as she normally would, even if her Master is a constant presence.

When the slave enters a room her Master is occupying:

* A slave should always knock before entering the room, (unless, of course, she is already in service and must leave to get something, etc.) This is true of rooms with or without doors. A slave's presence should be announced, and she should not assume she is welcome everywhere at all times.
o The slave should not speak until she is acknowledged, and should not knock more than once unless she is fairly certain her Master did not hear.
o When acknowledged, the slave should apologize for the interruption and announce her intentions.
o If she is not acknowledged, she should not enter the room. (Once again, the Master's immediate need for privacy overrides any desire or duty the slave may have, and foregoing it can be explained to the Master at a later time if necessary.)

When leaving a room her Master is occupying:

* The slave should announce her intentions to leave by asking permission to do so. (This rule can be relaxed when the slave must be in and out of a room frequently, but it should be you that suggests relaxing the rule, not the slave.) Depending on the circumstances, you may have a formal pose the slave must assume to ask this of you, or a method by which she gets your attention and is allowed to speak. Determine how you want to handle this before it happens, and impart that information to the slave.

* If the slave is leaving to attend any personal duties (other than using the bathroom or getting a drink of water, etc.), she should first determine that you approve of her activity. (i.e. "May this slave go online, Sir?") She should further determine that you have no immediate need for her, and that before she abandons her post, you have everything you will need during her absence.

o (It seems appropriate to note here that it is OK to say "No," to a slave's request, even if it is just your whim to do so. The slave must understand that her rights are quite limited. If you prefer that she stand in the corner all evening, or scrub the floors with a toothbrush, she must learn to have no qualms about your decisions. This will be difficult for her. Many slaves seem to feel that good behavior on their part deserves reward. That is not the case. The slave should learn to expect nothing, under any circumstances. This is not to say you shouldn't reward her, and even reward her frequently. You do not wish her to become dull, lifeless, resentful and uninteresting. However, acquiescing to her every request allows her to make the assumption that all she has to do is voice her desire, and it will be granted. Saying "No," once in awhile is as important as saying "Yes." Pouting, whining, complaining or balking when she is told "No," should result in immediate and appropriate discipline.

While every Master has His own preferences in personal care, the essentials of cleanliness are universal, and can be part of a maintenance plan that is not overly taxing or time-consuming for you or too difficult for the slave to accomplish effectively. Fortunately, most people are familiar with bathing, but bathroom instruction is not dependent upon the actual "cleanliness" of your slave. Instructing her in matters of hygiene is a method of exercising your control, even in the most personal areas. slaves usually enjoy the attention, even if it is embarrassing for them initially. More, they enjoy being provided with structure, and the care you place on detail.

The rule of thumb for most slaves is that they are to be clean, inside and out at all times; always in a pleasant condition whether they are needed for sex or for service. This is obviously a somewhat unrealistic "rule," but nonetheless one that can be enforced. (When it's not misused or abused, one of the more delightful aspects of a BDSM lifestyle is the ability to suspend reality and give oneself over to ideals and fantasies of perfection. )

Cleanliness Rituals
Get your slave used to the idea that she will not necessarily be afforded privacy in the bath. The slave needs to feel that she is not allowed to 'hide' any procedure from her Master.

* Watch your slave at her bath a time or two. Offer her suggestions or advice if you have it. If not, make something up; the order in which she cleans her body, bending over to clean between her legs, etc. Don't make it terribly complex, but tell her she should follow the procedure each time she bathes, whether you are with her or not. This obviously makes no difference in the state of her cleanliness. Instead, it places you with her every time she steps into the bath or shower.

* If you have time, choose the soaps, shampoos and lotions the slave will use (unless the slave must use special products in light of skin irritation, etc.) You can do this as you run across a particular item, or all at once at the beginning of her training. In either case, you are once again placing yourself in her most private moments.

* The slave should be informed about your desires for hair removal. (Remember that skin is often delicate- don't tell her to wax her pubic hair when shaving is adequate, unless this is already her habit.) For a slave with normal skin, shaving can, and should be done every day. The more often shaving takes place, the less irritating it becomes.

* Douching: Most of us know that the vagina is "self-cleaning," but occasional douching is hardly a dangerous practice. Instruct the slave to use only warm water or a vinegar and water douche if you require it, and make it clear to her that she should not overdo it. (Daily douching often rinses away the natural ability to fight infection, etc.) The slave should be sent to the drugstore for a combination douche/enema bag, shown how to use it if she doesn't know, and watched a few times as well. (The watching is not necessary - just another method of enforcement). Your slave may be embarrassed to have you there with her. She'll get over it.

* Enemas: This, of course, is your call. If you are a proponent of anal sex, enemas can increase your enjoyment of the act. They also serve as a wonderful method of slave humiliation, whether sex will be required of her or not. But, don't be stupid! Do your research before insisting on any kind of enema. The practice of adding unnecessary ingredients (like wine) to enemas is simply irresponsible, as well as being extremely dangerous. If you do decide on occasional enemas, your slave may need your help to learn the correct method of operating the bag. Make sure you know the correct method. You may not wish to be a part of this process, but frankly, if you want her to do it, you should be able to bear it as well.
o At some point during the slave's training (not right away) she should have to release the enema with you in the room. You may find this distasteful, but if it can be accomplished, it is an effective method of invading the slave's privacy in a most deliberate way. If you should choose to do this, do NOT express discomfort with the process. The slave will be embarrassed enough. She needs you to be impervious. Make an extra effort afterward to reassure her that your feelings for her have not changed, and be aware that overcoming the desire to keep this area of her life private is the mark of a good slave.

Dress & Make-up
A slave's hair, make-up and dress should all be approved of by her Master. If need be, the slave should be given a different routine for times she will be working, with the vanilla public, friends or family.

# A slave should maintain a hairstyle pre-approved by her Master. she should not be allowed to cut, color, or style it in any other way without first seeking His permission. There are few emergencies that would call for an exception to this rule.
# When in private or in scene-friendly spaces, make sure your slave knows your preferences for her make-up routine, if you have any. You may want her to look slutty one day, demure the next. That's OK, but she should be given a "default" set of make up rules to follow unless she is told otherwise.

* If your slave works outside the home or spends a good deal of time away from home, she should be given specific instructions for make-up in those situations, so that she can conform to the rules of society without breaking yours.
* When in your presence, the slave should always do her best to be made-up to your specifications. A slave who is used to going out in public without being at least partially made-up should change her habits (unless your orders call for no make-up.) Remind her (and yourself) that she is a reflection of your desires.

# In matters of dress, the slave should defer to your tastes in fashion for her.

* Be realistic. Working outside the home may require a certain form of dress. While you cannot dictate that, you may dictate within it. For example, some Masters prefer their slaves to wear high collars, long sleeves, long skirts and flat shoes outside their presence so as not to present an image that invites undue attention. This is perfectly acceptable in work situations. If, however, you prefer your slave to look "slutty," you will have to relax your standards. It's unlikely she will keep her job if you insist on 5 inch spiked heels.
* If your slave has a collar she is expected to wear, provide her with a "substitute" collar to be worn outside. (My slave has a "choker" type necklace that resembles a chain. she is required to wear it as a symbolic collar at all times. )

The amount of control you wish to exert over the slave's bodily functions can only be determined by your interest in such matters. I've heard of long-distance relationships in which the slave must call the Master to ask permission to use the bathroom. Personally, I can only see this working as a short-term training procedure or a possible punishment. Otherwise, it is costly and time-consuming, but nonetheless, the choice of the individual Master. If you begin something like this, you will have to be able to answer each request without annoyance or frustration, even if it comes on the half hour. Still, exhibiting control over these areas is much like rules regarding bathing and internal cleansing - the slave is forced to accept your authority in every aspect of her life.

# A less ambitious approach to bladder or bowel control could be the institution of a short-term (1 or 2 day) requirement of permission, but it is unlikely that a long-term lesson could be learned unless permission was frequently denied, or unless you were to be present every time permission was granted. This would more likely fall under the heading of a disciplinary procedure, not a ritual.

Misc. Rituals

# The slave should learn the appropriate times and methods of thanking her Master (i.e. after order are given, after orgasm, after punishment.) It is important to the slave to be able to express gratitude, and you should provide her that opportunity.
# The slave should be allowed to thank her Master after receiving a punishment. It is often important to the slave to acknowledge her gratitude for receiving a lesson, and it is a good habit to begin - especially if the slave will be given to others for play, where a "thank-you" is essential.

* The slave should also be allowed the opportunity to apologize for her mistake. It is highly appropriate to expect such an apology. (Crying out "I'm sorry Master," during a paddling doesn't count.) The apology should be offered after the punishment is complete. It allows the slave closure to the situation.
* You may wish your slave to thank you each time she is given an order (i.e. "You may go do the dishes," "Thank You, Sir.") If so, the slave's response should be no longer than those three words. Anything more is wasted blathering. The same can be said of thanking you for allowing her an orgasm.

# The ritual use of titles is discussed in the section on "Voice Training" your slave.
# The ritual of asking permission for orgasm is discussed in detail in the "Sexuality Training" section of this site.

This is only a small sampling of potential ritualistic practice. More complex rituals (like planned confessionals, etc.) offer a multitude of ways to enhance the Master/slave relationship and decrease the chance of boredom. Remember that your way is the best way. Rituals are not incorporated for the slave's pleasure, but, as in every other part of training, for her benefit. She may like or dislike them. It makes no difference. She will abide by them if she truly desires slavery.

[Loraen]

Spirit: Sample Review Form

When creating your own form, remember:

A review form is meant to make your life easier, not harder. Keep the form as simple as possible, only including those things you've expected and will expect of the slave.

Use reviews only 2-4 times per year, unless you are comfortable with the time they take to perform.

To save time, tell the slave what the form should include and instruct her to design it and bring it to you for editing.

Set a time limit for the actual review (i.e. one hour) and facilitate the process so that it doesn't exceed the prescribed time.

This is not a "workplace" type of review. The slave should understand that nothing is "up for discussion." Her grievances should not be discussed while reviewing her performance, unless you choose to give her that privilege. It should not, however, be something she expects at this time.

Suggestions for review process:

Choose a time for review when you will not be interrupted.

slave should bring a copy of her last review and her Punishment Log, as well as any other papers you require (journals, financial records and receipts, notepaper, etc.)

slave should disrobe and assume the "Kneel Down" position.

slave should be given limited opportunity to talk, and should keep any responses short, respectful and accurate.

Do not punish slave for poor performance at this time. Simply review.

If slave interrupts or makes excuses, gag her until the review is over. Remind her that the review is for her benefit as a slave. She should make every attempt to simply listen.

Be honest. Try to find the slave's areas of strength and focus on them as much as on her weaknesses.

Everyone needs improvement. Emphasize to your slave that "needing improvement" does not (necessarily) mean she isn't accomplishing your goals for her. Do not coddle her, however. Remember that most slaves find the structure of this kind of review comforting, and many are honored that you care enough about them to make the effort.

If your situation allows for it, the slave should post her current review form in a place she will see it daily (near her sleeping area, on the refrigerator.)

Make it clear to the slave that you will continue to monitor her performance, and will insist on results.

[Loraen]

Spirit: The Wonders of Worship


When properly trained, it is not at all unusual for your slave to have a reverence for you so strong that it resembles "worship." Worship is not an unknown term in the BDSM world: "boot worship" and "foot worship" are two examples of its use. A slave's "worship" of her Master is not akin to either of these, however. slave "worship" is not an act, but an inner feeling.

It is only natural that, after a time of being so closely and carefully monitored and taught, the slave will begin to view you as a larger-than-life figure. You have provided her with everything she needs to live her life to her own specifications as well as yours. You are the authority who rewards and punishes. You are the patient and practical teacher. You rule with love, and thus endear her to you even further.

Moreover, the ritualistic lifestyle and the structure within it sometimes resemble those found in the religious community. Religious ritual and worship is comforting to its participants. Likewise, worshipping you is comforting to your slave.

The important thing to remember is that if you have trained her correctly, the slave has not been "broken," but "freed" from the bonds of culture and society. It is this sense of freedom that creates the deep respect manifested as worship.

In this way, true slavery encompasses the spirit as well as the mind and body of the slave. Make no mistake; your slave does not think of you as "perfect," or as a "god" in the true sense of the word. She understands your capacity for error and recognizes you as human.

Her worship of you springs from gratitude, and should be accepted in that spirit. It is her way of indicating to you that she feels herself to be a subject and recognizes the authority and strength of your hold over her. Mere obedience does not necessarily allow her to express the passion she feels as your worshipful slave.

Unlike worship in the sense of fetishism, a slave's worship is ongoing. it is not centered on an area of your body (although it can be at times) but is part of the slave's whole fabric of life.

This kind of worship is not something you can train your slave to feel. It is a natural result of a Master's skill and compassion. Any attempt to force it will likely backfire. The "training" in this area involves self-discipline.

When you feel the slave has developed a sense of worship toward you, do not use the opportunity to rest on your laurels and assume your job is done. Like anything else, her reverence for you will disappear if she senses arrogance or self-satisfaction on your part.

Caution yourself lest it go to your head. Just because your slave "worships" you does not mean you can do no wrong.

slave worship, when not taken to extremes, is a joy and an honor. (Yes, you CAN be honored by your slave). Return the slave's gratitude by continually reminding yourself that you must do what you can to deserve the honor.

[Syra Fatetail]

That was a long but very interesting read. I learned quite a few new things too and I think some of them will help RP-wise too!

[Ruv]

Now this is is very informative. Indeed very helpful for those that are curious about BDSM.

I know plenty of other sources but in truth in the end its how you make of it.

Kudos, really.